Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
