how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
