Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
