i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
