I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
