I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
