I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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