I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
