and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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