Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
