so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
