I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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