I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
