i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
