sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
