Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
