She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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