you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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