True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
