Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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