My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
