I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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