margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so explain again why im purple
no
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
