He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
