Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
