I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
