I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
