You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
