Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
