your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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