dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
