Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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