Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize