why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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