i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
