I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why do cheetos always look like penises
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
