I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
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