is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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