If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
where am i from again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I AM VODKA MAN
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
