Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
