It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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