My first STD was from a foam party
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
