Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
