Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
