you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
there is puke in my bra ... again
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