yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
