I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
