no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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