or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
