im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
