My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
