i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize