Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
