Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
