I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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