How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
