you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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