Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
