I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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