If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
