I smell stomach acid.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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