Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize