Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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