doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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