I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
