Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
40s are totally the cure
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize