Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
